Understanding Attachment Wounds
& Why They’re Not Your Fault
Attachment wounds are emotional injuries that form in close relationships, often in early childhood. They develop when our need for safety, comfort, and emotional connection is not met consistently - the core of attachment theory.
As children, we depend on caregivers to help us feel safe, soothed, and understood. When that care is unpredictable, emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or overwhelming, we adapt in order to survive.
These early survival patterns don’t disappear - they quietly shape our attachment style and how we relate to others in adulthood.
How attachment wounds can form in childhood
You may have experienced:
A parent who worked hard but was emotionally unavailable, distracted, or inconsistent
Separation or divorce that felt like abandonment or loss
Caregivers who were highly critical, teaching you that love had to be earned
Being mocked, dismissed, or emotionally invalidated
How attachment wounds show up in adult relationships
As an adult, attachment trauma may look like:
Feeling unimportant or easily replaced
Fearing abandonment or rejection
Believing you must be perfect, helpful, or compliant to be loved
Feeling unsafe when someone gets emotionally close
Relatable signs of attachment trauma
You might notice:
Anxiety when someone pulls away or doesn’t reply - even when you logically know they’re probably just busy
Minimising your own needs or feeling guilty for taking up space
Feeling ashamed about having emotions or needing comfort
Pulling away, shutting down, or putting up walls when intimacy increases
Struggling to say no, even when it costs you your own wellbeing
You may be able to rationalise these reactions, but attachment wounds live in the nervous system, not just in your thoughts. That’s why it can feel so hard to “think your way out” of relationship anxiety, avoidance, or emotional shutdown.
The most important thing to know is this: attachment wounds are not character flaws. They are protective responses that once helped you survive emotionally.
They formed in relationships - and they heal in relationships too, through safe connection and often through attachment-based therapy.
How therapy helps heal attachment wounds
At the heart of our therapeutic relationship is this: I become a temporary secure attachment figure - accessible, responsive, and emotionally attuned.
Together, we gently explore your nervous system and create new experiences of safety, trust, and connection.
I’m a counsellor in Mornington, offering trauma-informed therapy both face-to-face and online across Australia. If you’d like to learn more about working together, click the button below.
Big exhale. Thanks for being here.
Bec x
Attachment-based counselling in Mornington (Mornington Peninsula) and online counselling Australia-wide.
